I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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