glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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