he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
