I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
