Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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