Apparently you make a good broom.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
