In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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