I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
