i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
