make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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