so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
