ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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