He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
