At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Drake has all the answers
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
