dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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