Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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