Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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