my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
