i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
