8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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