Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
