My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
do nipples grow back?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
