We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
