i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
