no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They took my balls.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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