just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
