We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
