She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
