Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
