Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
