The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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