Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
