Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
