I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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