just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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