using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
