So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
