i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
