He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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