you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
