I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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