every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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