I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
