You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
