you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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