....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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