You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
