Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
