think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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