Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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