you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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