At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
