I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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