Do you still have your period?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
